On Snarking and Drama and Fighting the Good Fight

[callistotoni]

I'm inspired to write (or, more accurately, get this out of my system) by several things I've read recently.

Snarking and Snarkiness: I believe that what snarking really is is an attempt to make one (the person doing the snarking) feel superior to another person. Now, we are all human, and it is natural to want to, at the very least, roll our eyes at some we see doing something that shows they are socially or situationally clueless. But that's still rooted in this feeling of superiority, or in a feeling of I/We have a Clue and They do not.

A personal, low-level, oh dear roll your eyes-level of snarkiness I believe is natural and unavoidable. Ideally, one may be able to make the acquiantance of the clueless person and gently shepard them towards a Clue.

Above that level, snarkieness goes toxic. In the case where you have a good reason to feel snarkie (e.g. past experiance has proved another person to be dishonerable), being snarkie in public just makes you look bad. In another case (one that I've seen in the greater costuming community, for example), perple just pick at other people in a blatent attempt to make themselves seem and feel superior to their targets.

Bottom line is that it's a bad idea to be snarky. If you must (as we all do), the best place is private, with a trusted friend, then move on.

On Teh Drama: I'm sure I'm not the only one who has figured out that a lot of people create or are drawn to Teh Drama because they draw energy from it. These folk appear to not feel alive unless they get the 'rush' of drama or indignation or whatever it is. In my experiance, it's a good idea to identify who these people are and keep them at a distance. If you have to deal with them, keep it professional.

On the line between Drama and Fighting The Good Fight:
Now, *this* is what I, personally, find hard. Sometimes people have good reason to be indignant, angry, outraged, affronted, whatever. Sometimes you do have to wade in and say your piece/peace, argue your point, and fight for what you believe is right. The hard thing is to know when the fight is useful/productive and when it is just cycling Drama.

My personal approach may also be a personal failing. I fight very few battles. My inclination is to walk away and do whatever it is that I want to do and if people want to join me I'm happy to let them. :-) Every once in a while something will happen and I will write a letter, or message, or something. I've even, very occassionally, called someone on the phone if I've had a problem. I think my (admittedly selfish) criteria is that it has to be something that I feel effects me directly, and/or something that I have direct experiance with. I think this general approach and my honed ability to identify and avoid Drama Llamas is what creates the Happy Happy Joy Joy Bubble I float around in in the SCA.

OK, whew, now that I got that out of my system I can move on to more productive things. ;-)

Comments

[j-i-m-r.livejournal.com]

"the best place is private, with a trusted friend"

Like your cat or a teddy bear, they don't tell tales ever :-)

[kahnegabs.livejournal.com]

Hear hear!

[ornerie.livejournal.com]

I think my cats may gossip behind my back. but the squirrels arent talking so I'm not sure.

[callistotoni.livejournal.com]

But, you see, that can fall under the category of legitimate complaint. In your journal (and in your locked journal, especially), you have every right to complain about negative things that effect you. I don't think that is "snarking". That is therapy.

Now, it might transmorgify into snarking if, to use a hypothetical example, at some sort of homeowners association meeting you persisted in ad hominin (sp?) attacks against your neighbor that to everyone else while not addressing the problem with the neighbor himself. There is a difference between having a complaint, doing what you can to address the problem, having the inevitable need to vent in a trusted, private space, and classic snarking, which, again, is rooted not in addressing problems/issues but in wanting to make one's self appear and feel superior.

Edited to add: Ah, I may have remembered an additional datum. In the case of your neighbor, again, in your locked journal that is legitimate frustration venting. You are in a socially difficult situation -- it effects you, personally. You are not snarking because you are not going around unnecessarily badmouthing anyone, but instead you are removing yourself from that person's company (after you've explained yourself to that individual). Does that make sense?

Snarking and Venting: it can be a very fine line. In certain situations I can't tell where one stops and one begins.

[sarahbellem.livejournal.com]

I think snarking has a more overt passive-aggressive taint to it, versus venting or ranting, which are more about blowing off steam. Reading those snark communities, I see people justifying snarking as "blowing off steam" but there's a difference between mean spirited, vicious behavior done for the sheer glee of tearing someone down as many notches as possible, and getting something that's been bothering you off your chest.

Snarking is about pointing and laughing when someone effs up, rather than helping them get back on their feet. It's about kicking when them while they're down. It's about Us vs. Them. It's about having a misguided sense of entitlement that everyone and everything should behave in a manner entirely beneficial to YOUR needs and then throwing a tantrum when you don't get your way. Except the tantrum is done in semi-secret and doesn't serve to address the problem, only promulgate it so that you are now The Victim of a massive, cruel conspiracy, because you're only being validated by other people with massive chips on their shoulders who thrive on Teh Drama in a misguided belief that it is "community" they are building with you.

I'm terribly fond of the saying, "nothing makes a friend like a common enemy", and I find it very applicable to snark communities.

[channel6.livejournal.com]

Errrkkk---I looked at a LJ group called SCA Snark because a friend mentioned another person on my friends list was getting lambasted there. OY VEY! Run away, run away! No likey that group! <> Talk about public snarking!

[thelbk.livejournal.com]

I vent. Via LJ, I vent a lot. Generally speaking, I try to keep my venting to a small trusted group. Because everyone needs an outlet. And those in the trusted group can choose whether or not they want to read a post.
Besides that, I am the queen of confrontation avoidance. Unless it is a safety issue. In those cases, all bets are off...
But in the SCA and sometimes in the work place, I see people who snark because they are trying to draw attention to "all that they do" and "all they suffer for the cause..." and ya know, I've seen it work for them often enough. And all that turns me off. Big time.