callistotoni

 Between all the crap happening in our country, cancer (even though it's getting better for Jeff), and our isolation, I have reached the Pissed and Crabby state of being. Trying to not take it out on Jeff or anyone I talked to. 

Preamble: As I've said numerous times, I'm working on lowering my blood pressure. Yesterday/Tuesday I had a scheduled appointment with a (yet another) nurse practitioner.  My BP was not terrible, but still too high given the medication I'm taking. So I went away with a prescription to take double the amount of one of my BP med. 
When I woke up and had my coffee this morning, by BP was 143/83. I took double the BP meds, as instructed. About 2 hours later I was feeling really lightheaded and generally worry-inly weird--weird enough to call my doctor's office. The asked me to come i. When I go there my BP had dropped to 120/60, which, IMHO, was a hell of a drop. I was super light headed.

During my appointment I had an EKG and a balance test, which took me 2 tries to get through. 
I came away with a decrease in my BP meds and anti-dizzy meds. I'm supposed to take the latter 2x day, but they say it makes you drowsy. I pushed back and said I have to work so I can't be dizzy. The tech suggested that I take it before bed. So that's what I'm going to do--take one tonight and not take the second. Plus I'm skeptical. When I was in the hospital in October they tested my for vertigo and it came back negative. 

I have to be re-checked Friday. I don't think decreasing my BP meds from what I was taking before is the right direction. I'd be willing to try a 1.5 of the med instead of the 2x prescription and I'll suggest that on Friday if things aren't better. We will see. 

Good thing work wasn't super busy today. And Jeff (who drove me there since I felt so bad) and I went out for brunch at IHOP after picking up my new meds. Jeff was feeling up to it, so big yay!. 

And when I got home, my BP was the same as it was in the morning. Go figure. 

 This afternoon Jeff had on if his retinal shot appointments. Since the dilate his eyes I always need to be the designated driver. We get there, Jeff goes in, and learns that the copay went from $38  to $400. Yes, you read that right. Jeff told them he could not afford that (remember, these are ongoing treatments, about every 6 to 8 weeks). He went ahead, got his eyes dilated and had the doctor do an exam. The verdict was that he probably could use the shot this time, but that it wasn't too bad so waiting wasn't a huge problem. 

The doctor's office is looking into a financial aid program.* Another option they mentioned is a less expensive drug to shoot into Jeff's eyes. We will see.

*I turns out that the office was tapping into a government financial aid program to keep that copay to the original $38. But now--surprise suprise--that funding has no more money. 

We are going to have to figure this out. He needs these retinal shots so as not to lose his sight. Right now, we're crossing our fingers that we can still afford Jeff's upcoming cataract surgery. That is a top priority. :-/

Yes, I'm pissed. I hate the US Health Care Non-system almost as much as I hate PG&Evil.

 This weekend is all about assembling 2 bookshelves and installing the bidet. Wish me luck.

Jeff spent most of the week in bed. We confirmed that he does not have any more chemo scheduled, so here's hoping it stays that way. Tomight Jeff seemed to be feeling better than he has been so here's hoping that trend continues. But poor guy, like I said, he's bloated and is having trouble getting shoes on. His legs are feeling weak, but he thinks that he can start to start walking and building up strength. 

I have been wondering about March Crown. It's at Tres Pinos, so we know the site well, and it's not for 3 weeks. Realistically we probably can't stress Jeff out that much yet. But since we can't go to Beltane (it's at the sheep ranch, a no dogs allowed site), and the next Cynaguan even is in NV, it would be nice to see people before June.. Then again, I also wonder how people would react to how Jeff is looking these days (and how that might make Jeff feel :-/ ). 

I'm trying to move away from Facebook. I've hardly posted anything other than asking for some help for a dump trip. I'm hoping the SCA conversations move off, since that community is a big reason I can't give it up. But I don't want to support the FB/Meta leadership support to the oligarchy. 

Not much else is going on. Jeff and I are enjoying Thursday TV Night together. We're hooked on The Pitt (Max) and the Harley Quinn animated series (also on Max). I'm still watching the US version of Ghosts. And I'm looking forward to Daredevil Born Again which starts soon and Andor Season 2. When you are as isolated as we are streaming is a big part of our joy. 

I'm slowly making progress on my Gibson Girl blouse, but probably won't get to do much with that this weekend. I am enjoying the faster satisfaction of sewing projects, as compared to sewing SCA  or other historical clothing. 

Anyway, hope everyone has as good as a weekend possible. 

  - The news about Everything is getting to me. I won't inflict it all on you, but I will be destitute in ~5 years if everything happens that looks like it is going to happen.

 - The good news is that Jeff's treatment is going very well. Jeff had his--hopefully--last Chemo session on Thursday. But the hard part is that every session has been harder for him, making him almost bedridden. He  looks bad. He's looks bloated and has lost most of his facial hair. His radiation treatment goes through March, but it won't be every week day like it has been. It's lucky that when the cancer metastasized it didn't go into his organs. I'm guessing that if the lesions on his spine were indeed cancerous, and that cancer has been killed, his spine will still be compromised. We've talked about his road back to health, going to the gym and gaining strength, he'll need to be careful not to put too much stress on his spine and pelvic bones. But we are hopeful. Thinking that if we can make it to An Tir/West War that can be a Welcome Back-sort of celebration. But we need to see how his recovery progresses.

 - Work is work. Things look like they will get busier for a awhile. However, big contract I've been on for several years is ending in April. It might get renewed/extended, and it might not. Trying not to stress and hoping for the best. 

 - Bean is the most affectionate kitty I've ever had the privilege to live with.  She stays with me for much of my work day, until the sun come around the house and her sunbeam shows up on the bed. And she is Loving the new comforter; for a while I thought she'd never leave it. Right now she's curled up in a blanket here on the couch next to me looking super cute.

- We've gone through most of the cord of wood we bought this fall. All of the wood that our helpers stacked up in the garage is gone now and we're now onto the small pile that was outside. I think we'll get through the rest of winter with what we have; Jeff spends most of the time at home in bed and I'll just wear sweaters. ;-) 

 - We have matinee tickets to see Captain America Brave New World for tomorrow, but I'm not sure is Jeff will be up for it. I hope so because getting out of the house for a while will be good for our mental health. Need to balance protecting Jeff because he's immunocompromised and mental health. You know your excitement bar is at a new low when you dream of getting pancakes at IHOP when you see an ad for them. 

 - Speaking of entertainment, I want to share an a "channel" (for lack of a better term) that I'm enjoying. I suspect I'm the only one of you that would enjoy it, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. It's been around for a few years, goring out of things going online because of covid. Now the vibe is like an old local UHF channel run by a bunch of friends with little to no budget. 
It's called Dumb Industries. It started because a young stand up comic in New York met up with Frank Coniff (one of the Mads in MST3K) and they started working together. Frank Connif and Trace Bealue (sp?), the other Mad, had been touring with a show called the Mads are Back, riffing bad movies in front of live audiences. When Covid hit Frank and Trace couldn't tour, so Chris suggested doing an online show. Now these shows have been going on for 5 years (tickets are $10). 
Then Chris hooked up with another MSK alumni, Mary Joe Pehl, and they started doing 2 shows a month. These are kinda free, but you can join the Clubhouse and have access to all her Dumb Industries content, including movie watch-alongs and live chats.
If you know MST3K at all, you know Manos the Hands of Fate. The little girl in that movie is Jackie Nayman Jones and she became a professional artist. After MST3K brought Manos into public knowledge Jackie wrote book about the experience and started selling some Mano merch. Now, through Dumb Industries, she teaches art classes, both paint-alongs like a paint party only online. The subject matter is MSK3K-related. These were so popular that she now teaches a general subject class (basic still lifes). Students post their creations to show on the site and interact online.
Next person to join was Emmy Marsh. She loves obscure but good movies, so she has Weird and Wonderful Wednesdays, where she shows a movie and people interact in chat. Then she ends the show with cartoons (old and new) that fit with the theme of the movie. An once a month on a Tuesday, Emmy shows and riffs on a Dark Shadows episode.
Finally Chis and another guy, Matt, who became a Dumb Industries producer--do a show on Thursdays talking about what's going on in Dumb Industries and then have watchers chose a weird short to watch together (often old corporate training videos). They also have a show on Mondays where they play very old (8 bit?) video games. 
On Friday evenings they play old Mads shows on Twitch.
Dumb industries stays afloat by memberships for content (very minimal monthly), and selling merch. Content shows on their website/clubhouses and on Twitch. The Mads shows are available on Vimeo if you want to purchase a copy of the live show. For the first 4 years, the Mads shows were available for download with the cost of the show ticket, but financial realities mean that if you buy a ticket you have to still buy the download, but a a significant discount ($6). 
Anyway, I really enjoy the "group of friends putting on a show" vibe. If you are a big fan of MST3K the content may be appealing to you. If that's not your thing, then Dumb Industries is probably not going to be your cup of tea. But I find it encouraging that a bunch of people got together to do Silly Things, and people enjoyed it all enough to continue supporting it. 
Me, I catch all the Mads and Mary Jo Pehl shows, and Weird & Wonderful Wednesdays if the movie sounds interesting to me. Plus the Dark Shadows episodes, because why not?

 SCA Post; I feel the need to blog about this to a limited audience just to get it out of my head. 

There is currently a petition to the BOD to change Corpora to allow Kingdoms to add Principality royal consorts to be added to the Order of the Rose. Heretofore, The Order of the Rose was reserved for those who had served as a royal consort for a Kingdom only. The petition is pretty clear that the change would be to *allow* Kingdoms to do this--Kingdoms would not have to-- and does not specify *how*. So a Kingdom could choose not to do it at all, or do it for principality consorts moving forward, or include all past principality consorts, whatever scenario a Kingdom decides on. 

Reading some responses to the FB post about this petition, it seems like some Kingdoms do this already. I know in An Tir, past principality consorts are considered "of valorous estate" and included in a lot of royal peer activities, but I don't think they are in the Order of the Rose. Someone online cited the person who created the Order in the first place as saying that there were no Principalities when it was created, but would have included them if they had been. Interesting inter-kingdom anthropology.

Here's my possibly unpopular opinion: If I were a betting person, I would bet a large amount of cash that if the BOD approves this change in Corpora the West Kingdom will not do this. One reason is that we in the WK have So Many members of the Order of the Rose already, and they (IMHO) have A Lot more social capital/respect than the Principality orders. I think the WK Roses would think there's too big a gap in rank to add Principality consorts, and if it did happen, I think there would be a significant amount of begrudging tolerance of these new members at best from a significant number of Order members. I think this is part of our very-old WK culture.

Another reason is sheer numbers. The WK has 3 Principalities that go Way Back, so there are many many Principality consorts--I'll be way more than any other kingdom. I can understand the attitude of "you can't have an elite Order if too many people are part of it." Parallel to this is the old "Great Grey Nameless Horde" of past Mists royalty, which people were joking about about 40 years ago (there were surcotes--time flies). 

I've had conversations with a few other viscountesses from the Mists, and, I have to say, the vibe in the WK made us unclear as to whether we were royal peers or not, or even if the title had any sort of rank associated with it at all. This gets back to what I was saying before - the social cache of being an ex principality consort if far less than an ex Kingdom consort, at least in the WK.

Of course, each WK principality has its own order for past consorts (the Mists just changed the name, and I'm not remembering the other names--bad me :-/ )To the best of my knowledge, those orders have never been organized to do anything, but they could. 

Anyway, I'll be watching how this plays out and we'll see if I bet correctly. But, of course, it doesn't really matter in the greater scheme of things, especially with everything else going on in the world. 

Sunday freeform check-in:

What a horrible week for the people of the USA. One outrage-inducing attack on human rights and boost to greed-driven oligarchy and hate after another. I donated to the ACLU, which is a start to fighting back. Feeling somewhat lucky to be in California.

Jeff had chemo on Thursday and it has knocked him on his ass. He pretty much as been sleeping in bed for the last 3 days, with occasional spurts of enough energy to walk to the couch and watch old Dr Who episodes before returning to bed and sleep.

I spent the weekend cleaning and shopping. I got a lot done, so yay?

We watched (in 2 parts, given Jeff's condition) the War of the Rohirrim. Huh. I didn't hate it, but I did have some issues with it. I'm not a fan of anime, so I did not like the character art or the way things were animated, which I'm guessing is classic anime style. I hated the weird "boy" outfit the had the Hera character in. The backgrounds were like beautiful paintings, but the character animation almost seemed to be superimposed on it to have no weight. I'm on the fence as to whether the Hera character was too "mary sue" or if it was good to have more female characters with agency in a Tolkien-based story. YMMV.

We really enjoyed Skeleton Crew. Admittedly, I'm a Star Wars fan and so was predisposed to like it. At first, I wasn't that interested because I'm not drawn towards stories where kids are the main protagonists. But Skeleton Crew was really really good. An Jude Law's character was *intense*. Didn't expect his character to go the way he did. But overall super heartfelt and fun. Neal Nation!

I'm still working on that Folkwear pants pattern. I should probably have dropped it and moved on to a different pants pattern, but I'm stubborn. I think with a couple more tweaks I can make some knock-around-the-house pants with some leftover linen I have in my stash.

I want to abandon FB because of it's association with the Zuk and the oligarchy, but it's tough. We are so isolated here in Frog Haven that I rely on FB Friends and the SCA/WK/Cynagua FB pages for social interaction. I've been posting more on Blue Sky and here. I keep poking at Discord because a lot of the communities I follow are using it more and more. But every time I look at it is confusing enough to make me leave. Discord has subjects, but as near as I can tell you can't find and follow a specific discussion or person without wading through a bunch of irrelevant posts.

Work right now is boring, but continues to pay the bills and staying employed is extremely important to me these days.

I'm enjoying a new-to-me podcast, Terrible Lizards, all about dinosaurs. Who doesn't like creatures (many gigantic!) 100+ million years ago? It's a pleasant distraction, to be sure.

No idea when we'll get to another SCA event. Like I've said elsewhere, however, I'm hoping that Jeff will be done with treatment by the end of March and he can start building up strength after that. I've been thinking about West/An Tir War as something of a victory celebration. Jeff's birthday falls around that time, so that's another factor.

On the lighter side, I've really been enjoying sewing up the three Folkwear patterns I've been talking about on FB. Now I'm ready to go to tea, but the closest tea house appears to be down in Lincoln. I've enjoyed working with the fine cotton lawn--very smooth; just feels nice. 
I started working on one of their simple pants patterns today. I need to shorten the crotch depth and inseam. Pants are never straightforward :-/ .

Besides sewing, this weekend was pretty productive. Got some cleaning done, and I worked with Jeff to fill out the Advance Care Directives and a new wills. I reviewed the CA Durable Power of Attorney form I found, but I think it would be best if we filled out that one in the office of a notary. That's my next to do--find and make an appointment with a local notary. 

Since I'm a big fan of British detective shows, I'm watching Vera. Hm. The jury is still out. We did laugh a lot at a British murder mystery comedy movie, though, but I can't remember the name. 

Random thought: I've read that an old-person tell is the use of "..." at the end of informal sentences (i.e., used in social integrations). I have been very guilty of this. I think it conveys that a situation or opinion has some sort of an in-flux or continuing status. But now I'm trying to stop; no need to out myself about my age, especially at work. 

I have to work tomorrow (MLK day), and have a long working session planned. It will be a good distraction from an otherwise horrible day.

 

I have amazing friends. My friends are so amazing that co-workers have commented on how remarkable they are. My friends have picked me up - sometimes driving long distances - when tragedy struck so I wouldn't be alone. My friends have, without my asking, come by to fix house disasters, kept me company when I was sick or injured, offered financial support when times were grim, bought my coronet, taught me to drive,  and surprised me with a trip to Disneyland. Lots of other things I could spend all day naming.

All of these people who have gone the distance for me I met through the SCA. Admittedly, I have been in the SCA most of my life, so the odds are in favor of me meeting friends in the SCA, just because of time. But when I was inactive for about 10 years (~1989-Jan 1999) I had and made Zero friends. I knew people from work, and I saw my ex's family and sometimes mine, but that was it. The few people I saw very occasionally that would classify as friends were people I knew before I left the SCA. I felt very, very isolated and unconnected. 

Then one of those old friends* offered to "sponsor" my return to the SCA. They offered to transport me, feed me, and put a tent-roof over my head; all I had to do was dress myself and show up. So I took them up on the offer and returned to the SCA at 12th Night 1999. There I met the LBK and the old Crosston folks and re-connected with a bunch of old-timers. My second event was Crosston Ball, where I met Rachael/Marguerite and The Amazing Laina. And the rest is is history. ;-)

So why is it that I was able to form such strong connections with people in the SCA but unable to connect with people I met at work or with any of my ex's associates? I've thought a lot about this. My conclusion is this: The SCA attracts Romantics; people who believe that honor is a real thing, that "Dream the Impossible Dream" of The Man Of LaMancha. It attracts people who like me crave Elegance  and want to create Beauty. People who aren't just out for themselves, but who understand the value of working and supporting ideals. 

Of course, people are people. The SCA draws its share of jerks, as well as people who are very socially immature and unaware.** I'm certainly not saying that everyone in the SCA shares the qualities I listed above.

But I do assert that the SCA attracts these sorts of people and makes it easier for people like me to find like-minded individuals. Here's an example: Years ago at Monday Night Sewing, person A mentioned that someone had given them a pirated copy of a particular Broadway show (presumably, someone had recorded it surreptitiously during a performance). Person A went on to say that if anyone wanted to watch it with her they could come over and do so, but that she (person A) had *promised* not to make any copies. Then Person B, who was *not* in the SCA, started endlessly badgering Person A to break her promise and give her a copy. I confronted Person B, saying something like "Stop it. You are asking person A to dishonor herself by going back on her word". Person B did not get it - this concept of abiding by one's word was simply beyond her. I got angry. Eventually she shut up. Marguerite actually had to talk to Person B and explain that in our group Honor actually means something and that she (person B) was Out of Line. 

Certainly the SCA is not problem-free. There's been a spate of FB discussing some of these problems: costs/affordability,  how events have become boring because they are all the same, to hotel or not hotel next 12th Night, and I'm not sure what else ('cause I don't read everything). Some folks who I like very much have had the glow of a good time ruined. I wish I could make it all better. I worry about the future of our local SCA, because I do see problems that have evolved over time that discourage new and old members alike.

My only workable answer to these problems is to continue to do what I've been trying to do (when I can attend): Have and encourage get-togethers within SCA events that allow us to play the game we want to play. I know other people do the same, with cook's playdates, the people who work on the PPFs, the Golden Stag Players, the dancers and the Crosston ball, the folks who put together a Viking playspace. Credit to everyone who has taken charge and are making their dreams come true. And the SCA provides a space to make all these things happen. Yes, maybe they could be done individually, but I believe the SCA does make it a bit easier. 

So, yeah, consider this an imperfect love letter to the SCA. Hey, it allowed Jeff to make his childhood dream come true of becoming a knight, and in these times of greed and apathy that's something of a miracle. 

*Donna/Juana, who I'm eternally grateful to. 

**Toby Beck used to say that the main purpose of the SCA was to socialize geeks, or words to that effect. 

 Am I a statistical anomaly? I now know 2 people that won reality show competitions: Rachael Z. for Chopped and Nick/Grendal on Forged in Fire. Thinking congratulatory thoughts for them both today.