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I have amazing friends. My friends are so amazing that co-workers have commented on how remarkable they are. My friends have picked me up - sometimes driving long distances - when tragedy struck so I wouldn't be alone. My friends have, without my asking, come by to fix house disasters, kept me company when I was sick or injured, offered financial support when times were grim, bought my coronet, taught me to drive, and surprised me with a trip to Disneyland. Lots of other things I could spend all day naming.
All of these people who have gone the distance for me I met through the SCA. Admittedly, I have been in the SCA most of my life, so the odds are in favor of me meeting friends in the SCA, just because of time. But when I was inactive for about 10 years (~1989-Jan 1999) I had and made Zero friends. I knew people from work, and I saw my ex's family and sometimes mine, but that was it. The few people I saw very occasionally that would classify as friends were people I knew before I left the SCA. I felt very, very isolated and unconnected.
Then one of those old friends* offered to "sponsor" my return to the SCA. They offered to transport me, feed me, and put a tent-roof over my head; all I had to do was dress myself and show up. So I took them up on the offer and returned to the SCA at 12th Night 1999. There I met the LBK and the old Crosston folks and re-connected with a bunch of old-timers. My second event was Crosston Ball, where I met Rachael/Marguerite and The Amazing Laina. And the rest is is history. ;-)
So why is it that I was able to form such strong connections with people in the SCA but unable to connect with people I met at work or with any of my ex's associates? I've thought a lot about this. My conclusion is this: The SCA attracts Romantics; people who believe that honor is a real thing, that "Dream the Impossible Dream" of The Man Of LaMancha. It attracts people who like me crave Elegance and want to create Beauty. People who aren't just out for themselves, but who understand the value of working and supporting ideals.
Of course, people are people. The SCA draws its share of jerks, as well as people who are very socially immature and unaware.** I'm certainly not saying that everyone in the SCA shares the qualities I listed above.
But I do assert that the SCA attracts these sorts of people and makes it easier for people like me to find like-minded individuals. Here's an example: Years ago at Monday Night Sewing, person A mentioned that someone had given them a pirated copy of a particular Broadway show (presumably, someone had recorded it surreptitiously during a performance). Person A went on to say that if anyone wanted to watch it with her they could come over and do so, but that she (person A) had *promised* not to make any copies. Then Person B, who was *not* in the SCA, started endlessly badgering Person A to break her promise and give her a copy. I confronted Person B, saying something like "Stop it. You are asking person A to dishonor herself by going back on her word". Person B did not get it - this concept of abiding by one's word was simply beyond her. I got angry. Eventually she shut up. Marguerite actually had to talk to Person B and explain that in our group Honor actually means something and that she (person B) was Out of Line.
Certainly the SCA is not problem-free. There's been a spate of FB discussing some of these problems: costs/affordability, how events have become boring because they are all the same, to hotel or not hotel next 12th Night, and I'm not sure what else ('cause I don't read everything). Some folks who I like very much have had the glow of a good time ruined. I wish I could make it all better. I worry about the future of our local SCA, because I do see problems that have evolved over time that discourage new and old members alike.
My only workable answer to these problems is to continue to do what I've been trying to do (when I can attend): Have and encourage get-togethers within SCA events that allow us to play the game we want to play. I know other people do the same, with cook's playdates, the people who work on the PPFs, the Golden Stag Players, the dancers and the Crosston ball, the folks who put together a Viking playspace. Credit to everyone who has taken charge and are making their dreams come true. And the SCA provides a space to make all these things happen. Yes, maybe they could be done individually, but I believe the SCA does make it a bit easier.
So, yeah, consider this an imperfect love letter to the SCA. Hey, it allowed Jeff to make his childhood dream come true of becoming a knight, and in these times of greed and apathy that's something of a miracle.
*Donna/Juana, who I'm eternally grateful to.
**Toby Beck used to say that the main purpose of the SCA was to socialize geeks, or words to that effect.
All of these people who have gone the distance for me I met through the SCA. Admittedly, I have been in the SCA most of my life, so the odds are in favor of me meeting friends in the SCA, just because of time. But when I was inactive for about 10 years (~1989-Jan 1999) I had and made Zero friends. I knew people from work, and I saw my ex's family and sometimes mine, but that was it. The few people I saw very occasionally that would classify as friends were people I knew before I left the SCA. I felt very, very isolated and unconnected.
Then one of those old friends* offered to "sponsor" my return to the SCA. They offered to transport me, feed me, and put a tent-roof over my head; all I had to do was dress myself and show up. So I took them up on the offer and returned to the SCA at 12th Night 1999. There I met the LBK and the old Crosston folks and re-connected with a bunch of old-timers. My second event was Crosston Ball, where I met Rachael/Marguerite and The Amazing Laina. And the rest is is history. ;-)
So why is it that I was able to form such strong connections with people in the SCA but unable to connect with people I met at work or with any of my ex's associates? I've thought a lot about this. My conclusion is this: The SCA attracts Romantics; people who believe that honor is a real thing, that "Dream the Impossible Dream" of The Man Of LaMancha. It attracts people who like me crave Elegance and want to create Beauty. People who aren't just out for themselves, but who understand the value of working and supporting ideals.
Of course, people are people. The SCA draws its share of jerks, as well as people who are very socially immature and unaware.** I'm certainly not saying that everyone in the SCA shares the qualities I listed above.
But I do assert that the SCA attracts these sorts of people and makes it easier for people like me to find like-minded individuals. Here's an example: Years ago at Monday Night Sewing, person A mentioned that someone had given them a pirated copy of a particular Broadway show (presumably, someone had recorded it surreptitiously during a performance). Person A went on to say that if anyone wanted to watch it with her they could come over and do so, but that she (person A) had *promised* not to make any copies. Then Person B, who was *not* in the SCA, started endlessly badgering Person A to break her promise and give her a copy. I confronted Person B, saying something like "Stop it. You are asking person A to dishonor herself by going back on her word". Person B did not get it - this concept of abiding by one's word was simply beyond her. I got angry. Eventually she shut up. Marguerite actually had to talk to Person B and explain that in our group Honor actually means something and that she (person B) was Out of Line.
Certainly the SCA is not problem-free. There's been a spate of FB discussing some of these problems: costs/affordability, how events have become boring because they are all the same, to hotel or not hotel next 12th Night, and I'm not sure what else ('cause I don't read everything). Some folks who I like very much have had the glow of a good time ruined. I wish I could make it all better. I worry about the future of our local SCA, because I do see problems that have evolved over time that discourage new and old members alike.
My only workable answer to these problems is to continue to do what I've been trying to do (when I can attend): Have and encourage get-togethers within SCA events that allow us to play the game we want to play. I know other people do the same, with cook's playdates, the people who work on the PPFs, the Golden Stag Players, the dancers and the Crosston ball, the folks who put together a Viking playspace. Credit to everyone who has taken charge and are making their dreams come true. And the SCA provides a space to make all these things happen. Yes, maybe they could be done individually, but I believe the SCA does make it a bit easier.
So, yeah, consider this an imperfect love letter to the SCA. Hey, it allowed Jeff to make his childhood dream come true of becoming a knight, and in these times of greed and apathy that's something of a miracle.
*Donna/Juana, who I'm eternally grateful to.
**Toby Beck used to say that the main purpose of the SCA was to socialize geeks, or words to that effect.
